Tuesday 17 February 2015

Keep looking in all the wrong places?

I recently wrote a blog post "You are responsible for your own happiness" where I spoke about taking control of your own happiness. It made some points about reality shows and people in the media that portray to the masses what it is to be happy. Good looks, being skinny, being wealthy, having a good looking partner, owning a nice car, eating and drinking in good bars and restaurants, going on holidays to posh hotels. When you look at it, the majority of these things are about having "Stuff".




I had a client a few years ago, for the sake of anonymity, I'm going to call her Kim. Kim was a young girl that I took as a special case as she was very overweight for her age and was suffering from low self esteem and her mother was sure she was being bullied because of her weight.

Kim lost her father when she was a child, and I could see when we talked about it that it was obviously something that will have a great effect on the rest of her life. I was sure it was possibly the cause of her being overweight, the depression that comes with it.

It was coming close to Christmas, and as we were training away I asked her "What are you getting for Christmas?"

A big smile came on her face as the excitement lit up to tell me all the joyous possessions she would be getting. In her words "I'm getting an Ipad, an Ipod, a bag, money, and the list went on." I listened carefully as I took it all in.

I asked her the question, "Does it really make you happy to have all that?"

Her answer, without missing a beat was "Of course it does!"

I asked her "why?"

She couldn't answer, she thought about it, but couldn't give me an answer, a definite answer. She looked at me confused and gave me a typical teenagers answer "Because its good to have them..."

Again I questioned it, "Why is it good to have them?"

She was struggling "Because they can do things like play games and watch stuff?" Not sounding too convinced herself...

I asked "How long will you be happy for when you have them?"

She answered, "a while I guess?"

I asked her, "If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would you have?"

I welled up a little as she answered, "My Dad" in a sombre tone.

"Would that make you happy?" I asked.

"More than anything." She answered.

"All these possessions you have and want mean nothing, all the makeup, and the clothes, and the ipods, the TV's everything, will not make you happy" I told her.

"What you are doing here, losing weight, but more importantly being healthier is one step towards being happier, because you will and already are feeling good about yourself. You are going to be around your family that love you at Christmas, sharing moments with them, that will make you happy, Its all about how you feel and positive experiences in your life"

"When have you ever said, remember that time I got an Ipod for Christmas, or remember that time I bought that bag, that was a great time"

"doing things, being with people you love, experiencing life, laughing, crying, party's, holidays, these are things that will enrich your life"

She looked at me like it just hit her like a lightening bolt.

Suddenly she didn't really care about the Ipad anymore.

She was Thirteen years old then, at that time she was already bombarded with marketing to sell "Stuff" rather than anyone really guiding her towards the right message of what it is to be happy.

It wasn't any of her Family's fault, they don't know any better, just like most people. Its too hard to avoid.

We as people are easily misguided, plant a seed and you can watch an idea grow, especially when its perceived as colorful and lovely and what all the "Cool Kids" are doing.

You ever wonder when they don't get some average Joe to show off Calvin Klein underwear or when a Real woman, with stretch marks and big hips doesn't walk around under a waterfall in the latest perfume add.



Because they are normal people...

Why is this a problem for marketing companies and teams? 95% of us are normal people, with normal flabby bodies, with bad skin, blemishes, spots, lots of us are broke, we might drive a 1999 Opel corsa, we might be struggling with our mortgage payments, we might be losing our hair because our kids are waking us up at 6am jumping on the bed or being little naughty shits when were trying to get them out the door for school.

These are real things, and if the marketing companies were to portray this as the norm, what aspirations would people have to be a little bit more classy and glamorous?

Without these aspirations, what can they sell us?

They couldn't sell to us that our lives would be a little better because we smell like Kim Kardashian, or we wear the same boxers as David Beckham, we drive the same car as Kanye west, You wore a dress the looks like the one Taylor Swift wore to an awards ceremony, you have the same haircut as Rhianna.

But who cares?



Spending your life aspiring to be like Beyonce, or Christiano Ronaldo will lead to massive disappointment I'm afraid, because you are going to fail, and fail miserably. Simply because you are not them, you are YOU!

I had this realisation myself at around 25 years old, I came across it myself doing some soul searching after a life of constant abuse of my body through alcohol, bad food and smoking along with mental abuse, sitting at home, staying in bed until 1pm, only leaving the house to go to the pub, and simply not living life. I was never diagnosed but to give it an educated guess, I was depressed and I didn't even know it because I didn't know any better.

When the realisation came through, it opened up a massive new world of opportunity and happiness for me personally.

Its a battle, as my previous blog says, "You are responsible for your own happiness", this is a constant fight to maintain happiness, but its a fight that I will never lose because I value my happiness more than sleeping till 1pm every Sunday and wasting a day of my life because of it.

I choose to get up and go, I do things, I go places, i make new experiences. My last one as an example. I seen an add on line for Bouldering in Sandyford, so I went, on my own because why do we need a babysitter for everything. And I climbed, I fell, I climbed again, I got tired and I loved every second of it!

When I was 25 I got in touch with a man who was trekking up Kilimanjaro. I had not done a whole lot of hiking before but I signed up and It was an experience Ill keep for the rest of my life.

I started my own business and man that was scary, I never had a business before, expected it could fail, and I'm being more successful every day.

I'm walking Across Ireland over 4 days, one day is 68km and I'm shitting myself, but what is the worst that can happen, I get a few blisters, so what they will heal, my legs will be tired but they will heal, and I will have a great story to tell!

I'm not one for religion or all that mumbo jumbo but the only way I could describe these life experiences is cleansing your soul. Every time I train and eat good food and do something new, I feel refreshed like I've not just done something good for my body, but for my mind.

That's one of my main reasons for exercise. I'm not the fittest person in the world, I'm not the strongest, I'm definitely not the best looking, I'm not the richest, I'm not the most ripped, I'm not here to show off, i don't do this to run marathons or get all the girls.

I do it to be happy with myself, that's it, plain and simple.

My business is called "Bodycoach Personal Health Coaching", I never wanted the words "Personal Trainer" in there. I want you to be physically healthy, nutritionally and mentally and if I can help with all of them in some way, well then I think I have done a good job!

So forget about having to own everything in sight or everything that the TV tells you you need to be a better person.

Just go out and do shit, and if you cant do it, so what, do something else and just enjoy it. Bring people that you like. Enjoy it with them, then just start feeling better about yourself!

Oh and by the way, if your worried about what people will think of you out doing these things, don't be! They are just people that don't have the balls to do it themselves. Feel sorry for them!




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